CCU

Jared was admitted to the CCU on Monday, at Mayo.  He is doing okay he sleeps most of the time I imagine his body is consuming a lot of energy just to be here.  The doctors and nurses are fabulous and take such good care of Jared.  He now has a PICC line which he will be able to use at home for his IV medication.  They have started medication called Milrinone and Lasix drips to help get rid of some of the extra fluid and help his heart pump more efficiently.  One thing for sure this experience has brought me to pray night and day.  I wake up praying, I sit in the room and pray, I go to sleep praying.  Yesterday, I thought I ran out of things to pray about, and then I read a passage from a book.  God doesn't care if we say the same prayer over and over his ears are never deaf and it just gives our prayers more energy.  Today my repetitive prayer is that we may be with Christ like mind so we may know with God's wisdom, to see with Christ like vision so we may see God in all people and things, to hear with Christ like ears so that we may hear God's words coming through all messages and not miss a thing, and to have a Christ like heart so that we may love our all people and things as God loves all his children.  Amen  I am so grateful to be here with Jared for the time I get to spend with him.  I am grateful God has put him on the path that led him here to Mayo.  I am grateful for Ashden healing beautifully, and baby Jordan is so healthy.  I am grateful for all the people who have been so kind and generous and make much if this possible for Jared and Ashden.  There is so much to be grateful for when we look with Christ like vision.  God Bless you all may you always have peace within your heart and joy in your life.

Feeling Hopeful

Yesterday was a very long day and even though it was a happy day it started at 5 am and ended sometime after midnight.  Jared and Ashden was so happy, however I could tell Jared was not feeling well, he wasn't able to keep food down and becomes so exhausted easily.  Today was a little better, however it is clear that Jared needs to go back into the hospital soon.  Ashden was able to get him to agree to leave for Mayo Clinic on Sunday and he will be admitted to hospital on Monday at 8 am.  Ashden should be released from the hospital on Friday and they will have a day and half at home together before I take Jared to Mayo.  Ashden will stay at home and recover from her C-section with her mother, Kathy, helping her.  Jared wants to stay and bond with Jordan and care for Ashden but everyday becomes more of struggle to do the daily living task.  While most of us can be ready for our day in 30 minutes or an hour, it now takes Jared 3 hours to get ready.  Ashden continues to be the angel we have always known her to be constantly thinking and wanting to care for Jared even after her major surgery yesterday.  I pray she will heal quickly as well as Jared receiving his heart and liver soon and healing quickly.  It would be nice to have everyone healthy and home by Thanksgiving.  We are one step closer to our miracle.  God Bless you all!

Jordan's Arrival

Today we have happy tears as Jordan Lawton Vogler arrived at 8:03 am on 5/17/2011.  Jordan is healthy and perfect!  We are excited he has finally arrived.  More news tomorrow

Baby News

Well, it has been a bit of a crazy weekend.  I was under the weather for the past few days and just now beginning to feel better.  Jared was having fevers a night, we aren't sure what that is about, hopefully they will run some test today when he has his parencentis and find out where this is coming from.  And, our little angel Ashden is now on bed rest because of her blood pressure being to high.  There are planning to do a c-section on Tuesday am and Jordan will make his grand entrance into the world.  He will be a couple weeks early, so we are trusting God will have everything lined up and things will go smoothly.  I am ready for good news and to start seeing some rainbows.
I like to write poetry and as a began writing a few days ago I could feel God's encouragement.  I began to write' As I watch my son wither away I got down on my news and pray Father save him,"  As if magic it just dropped it. "I have, I already have."  An overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be alright came over me.  Jared and Ashden have both been so strong in their faith in God, to the point where their is no question.  I can't say that is true for me.  At times, I want God to just fix him knowing that he can not understanding why it hasn't happened already.  I only know God is aware and on the job and I have to hold on to that.  The wait seems to be the hardest and waiting with complete trust that God will work miracles. 
Once again the words of encouragement, generosity, and kindness from each of you lift me as if breathing life into me to get through another day.  I suppose that is all any of us can do is to take one day at a time, sometimes I can only get through one breath at a time.   Thank you all for your prayers and being the breath of God to see us all through.  Much love to all of you and may God Bless you in all ways!

Feeling God's Strength

Thank you all for your comments, it helps to know so many are praying and yes I can feel God's strength.  I can also see his love pouring through each and everyone through your kindness, your words, your generosity.  All and all God's love and strength is the one constant in our lives.  One never knows when a tragedy can turn your world upside down.  I have a friend that has been out of work for two years and while she gets shaken at times her faith and love for God has remained strong.  We were talking a few days ago and she reminded me that even though we can't see the outcome and we may feel as if God is not providing for us, He is always there and once we get through the darkest times it will all make sense.
While we anxious for all this to be behind us, the blessings that are happening now are shaping who we are becoming.  While looking at Jared lying in a hospital bed hurting, he looked at me and said when all this is over mom I can't wait to start giving back to the community and people in need.  I believe God is orchestrating his life so he can do just that.  He can tell his story of how God's love and strength carried him through the moments of despair and suffering.  To witness a love one go through this is one of if not the most difficult experience I have been through.  However, I too am witnessing the amount of faith, courage, and love he has for God, for his family, and for people he doesn't even know.  I believe God guides us and speaks to us in various ways, one way is hearing just the right words from someone.  It is just a reminder that God is listening and while He may not be showing up like I think he should, He is showing up with something better.  Sometimes I don't know what the better is, I'm learning to trust in a completely new way.  I am learning to love in a new way, and I am learning to give in a new way.  All I need is faith of mustard seed, some days that is harder than others to gather, but I receive constant reminders He is with us.  As one of best friend says God is aware and on the job!  God Bless you all and have an amazing day full of happy surprises.

First time blogger

Today is my first attempt at blogging, My thoughts are that this will be a space where I can give updates and possibly purge some emotions.  I can't promise that I will blog everyday, however I will often.  To be caught up to date on Jared's story I created a web site also titled Jared's hope www.wix.com/lindamcintyre5/jaredshope . I wish I could take credit for the name however it is a friend and co-worker that came up with Jared's Hope.  So many things have happened in the past 6 months, ironically time seems to stand still at moments and others go fast than the speed of sound.  Jared's decline in health happened so rapidly almost a year ago he was very healthy and physically fit and now his energy level seems to be in survival mode.  No longer able to work and at times get out of bed for the greater part of the day.  Time seems to stand still in the fact that he waits for a heart and a liver and  news if insurance will help pay for the cost.  There seems to be so many things that are beyond our control in life and certainly time is one of them.  I suppose the only part of time we can control is they way we spend it and at the moment it seems more precious than ever.  I know I am so grateful for the time I am able to spend with my family and friends even when the moments seem brief.  The past six months have been a roller coaster of emotions as well from shock, denial, anger, overwhelming sadness, to acceptance and wanting to move forward.  Just when I think I've found some balance with the situation a new twist comes into to play and the roller coaster of emotions takes off again.  A huge blessing is the support of family and friends, the bond seems closer everyday and I am so very grateful.  
Yesterday's news with Jared is that he had 2500 ml of fluid taken off his abdomen which helped him feel better and we are still waiting little Jordan's arrival.  We are also praying little Jordan will do a flip since he is breech at the moment.  More news later.